Understanding our need for emotional connection

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According to a recent article in the NYTimes, our ability to make an emotional connection when we communicate is a way to establish social exchange.

...people subconsciously mirror each other’s surprise, disgust or delight — and, in effect, interpret the emotion by sensing what’s embodied on their own face. Interfere with the ability to mimic, these studies suggest, and people are less adept at reading others’ expressions (and) in a series of studies, psychologists have found that social bonding between conversation partners is highly dependent on a rhythmic and usually subconscious give and take of gestures and expressions that creates a kind of shared good will. “Part of that could be the buying in on the interaction itself,” Dr. Chartrand said.

But the latest research on the little understood subject of communication show that this important nonverbal communication technique is more complex than we previously believed. Some psychologists say the evidence from people with facial paralysis suggest that there may be several mental processes that contribute to our ability to tune in to the emotional state of mind of someone else.

“The idea is that if we could learn what the best nonverbal communication techniques are, we could teach those to people who are socially awkward for any reason.”

It seems that the simple principle of monkey see, monkey do could be the latest breakthrough to shed some light on the often mysterious way that our minds work, and how that translate to our ability to effectively communicate with the people around us.

Originally posted on the 5th of  Footnote 17/11/11: In light of my own social awkwardness I beg to differ, or maybe that's just me. The only way that I manage to cope with my own terror towards social interaction is through emotional detachment, constant effort, brutal honesty and charm. While mimicking social good-will may improve conversational skills, I doubt it's enough to change the ugly duckling into a swan...

But that's just me I guess...

Breaking up is hard to do!

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A recent study published in  TIME put the spotlight on the kind of pain felt by people on the business end of a breakup.

The study notes, with classic academic rigor, that the spurned students had engaged in activities such as "inappropriate phoning, writing or e-mailing, pleading for reconciliation, sobbing for hours, drinking too much and/or making dramatic entrances and exits into the rejecter's home, place of work or social space to express anger, despair or passionate love."

By using fMRI to track the participants' brain activity as they looked at the photo's of the lovers who jilted them, and to nobody's surprise found the pain of breaking up the same same as physical pain, craving and addiction, that is to say they share a similar pattern of brain activity.

Besides attesting what we know; that the mind cannot distinguish between fantasy and reality, that every pain is just the same as any other, and that how we feel is more a choice than the result of our experience, the study highlight the fact the pain is unpleasant, even more so if we think it should be, and that the pain of romantic rejection is just as real as hitting your thumb with a hammer.

Seen in the context of similar research on the brain and how it works, it informs our recent understanding that minds make sense of the world through a system of pattern recognition that orchestrate most of our awareness to a seamless flow of highly predicted existance. It is only when we experience something new that our mind come to focus our reason, tickle our fancy, spark the flame of curiosity, and bring our senses to the high alert of adventure and discovery.

Quite the opposite to how we think under the bain of heartache, rejection, loss and pain, but then we must accept that broken hearts don't live well, and just as emotion will twart any attempt at logical thought and deductive reason, we cannot expect to find any meaning without the courage to open our hearts, and share in love and living life.

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